You Have Secrets
ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ
ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴡᴇᴀᴋ
(ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛs) ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴇᴇ
ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴜᴘ ʜɪɢʜ
ʏᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴄʀᴀsʜɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ, ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ғʟʏ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ
ɪ ғᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ
ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs sᴏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ
ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪsᴘʟᴀʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ sᴛʀᴀʏ ᴍɪɴᴅs ғᴀʟʟ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ
ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴅᴇᴇᴘ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ
ɪ'ᴍ ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ, ʟᴏsᴛ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ
ғɪʀᴇ ғʟᴀʀᴇs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜʟ
ɢᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴜʟʟ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ
ɪ ғᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ
ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs sᴏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ
ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ
ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ
ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ
ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ
ɢᴇᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ, ɢᴇᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɴᴏᴡ!!
(ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ)
(ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ)
ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ
ɪ ғᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ
ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs sᴏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ
ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ (ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ)
ɪᴛ's ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ
ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs sᴏ ʙᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ
ʟᴏsᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ
♫ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ | ᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴜʀ ♫
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Ahhh finally I managed to do something for this song!! Ever since I first heard it, it's just SCREAMED Seth & Athena's relationship. "Losing the fight in the final round" is just such an Athena way to frame it, too? That's exactly how she'd think about things, with her semi-competitive, "jock"-y mindset--her brother has come so far, done so much, only to lose the fight now? So "late in the game"? I also just can't get over the first lines...it's such a window into Athena's mind. Because to her, that IS the situation. From an outside perspective, it makes no sense, of course: Athena's stacked, an impressive weight-lifter and visibly physically stronger than her rather frail-looking older brother. But to her, he was the strong one. He was the savior, the caretaker, the advice-giver, the stability and strength. And she's watched him lose that. She's gotten stronger, but watched her brother get sick; now he's the one with a too-thin frame and dull eyes, and the way he silently self-destructs scares the fuck out of Athena.
If I were to assign a date to this art, it would probably be December of 2017 or so? (though I fucked up and gave Athena her septum ring, which she only actually gets this year.) That winter took its toll on her, mentally: November 2017 is when Sethfire lacerates his throat, and that really, really messes Athena up. She's safe and pulls through it, but I know that's when she comes closest to relapsing--because maybe if she got sick again it would force Seth to save himself in order to save her. Her friends help keep her from slipping, thankfully, but she does start to withdraw a bit, after that. She'd never admit to giving up on her brother, but something breaks for her and she starts, in increments, to distance herself. She moves out of the apartment where she can hear Seth smashing his mirrors when drunk, removes herself from knowing in immediacy when things are wrong. Puts legitimate distance between herself and her brother; feels guilty as all hell but yeah, she puts more walls between them--both physical and emotional. ...Because maybe then, that eventual--and in her eyes, inevitable--loss won't hurt so much.
It's a lucky thing that Chey shows up a few months later; he has a way of drawing people closer, of opening people up, of coaxing secrets into the open air. And Athena does, eventually, get her brother back: He gets up. And pulls through.